BetterConduct

Richard Taylor had Alzheimer’s disease. He was a PhD level psychologist and educator with an extensive vocabulary, a quick wit, and an incredible insight into his own cognitive abilities. When diagnosed with dementia, he decided to journal daily to make a record of this thoughts regarding his disease, or Mr. Alzheimer, as he described it. It appears he thought he would be able to read the entries he made as a tool to help him recollect what he might have forgotten throughout the progression of the disease (Taylor, 2007). What he left us is remarkable insight and a detailed account of what one highly intelligent, cognizant human being was experiencing during his journey with Alzheimer’s. He talked about the implications for all facets of his life—from his job to relationships to his ability to read and remember. Richard Taylor left us a gift.

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What occurs to one while reading his short, pointed entries is that he is constantly experiencing loss. Loss of his job, loss of his ability to remember, and his ability to do the things others asked of him that he would ordinarily do without being asked or prompted. He has a loss of purpose. Instead of being relied upon to do tasks he used to perform (service the car, drive, do chores around the house, pay bills, answer email, work, etc.), he became another list of things to do on his caregivers’ agenda. He could no longer read, although he knew how to read, but the words just didn’t fit together in his thoughts like they used to. He felt the loss of his relationships. He could no longer take care of someone else, be considered as the man of the house, and was not asked his opinion by his children and grandchild. He felt the loss of not being able to enjoy the things he used to—like walking the dog or driving the car as he might get lost. He experienced loss of being able to remember what happened recently, a loss of remembering past experiences in the same way over time, the loss of unconditional love in his wife’s eyes, as well as the loss of being able to care for himself and remember personal grooming he used to do on his own. He lost his sense of self. He was not treated the same. People, even his family, talked as if he wasn’t there and made decisions about what he could or couldn’t do without consulting him. In his words, he was treated as an It instead of as a Thou. In fact, he even started to doubt his own recollections and could not always tell what was fact and what was fantasy.

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Erik H. Erikson published his theory of psychosocial developmental stages in 1950 in a book titled Childhood and Society (Erikson, 1950). Erikson believed life progressed through a series of polarized challenges, one of which is autonomy v. shame and doubt. This is a stage where children develop a sense of independence and confidence in their own abilities or lack self-esteem and become overly dependent on others. (McLeod, 2018). It was as if Richard Taylor was at that point again in his life, only this time, he was experiencing it from the standpoint that it was not a milestone to be reached, but a bridge to the other side (of what?) from which he was unable to return. He seemed to feel he could no longer be independent. He could no longer be autonomous and must constantly rely on others to impose boundaries that he did not always agree with but was not sure why. He was treated as a child but without the capacity to learn from his mistakes or experiences.

 

No wonder Alzheimer’s frequently has a secondary diagnosis and component of depression. With loss of relationships, autonomy, friendships, sense of self, purpose, profession, and dignity, what was left?

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Sources:

Erikson EH (1950). Childhood and society.  New York: Norton.

 

McLeod S (2018, May 03).  Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development.  Retrieved from https://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikso.html on September 10, 2019.

 

Taylor R. (2007). Alzheimer’s from the inside out.  Baltimore, MD. Health Professions Press.